It’s back

I feel like I look awful. Yesterday I felt my fat giggle in every which way. I felt every time I moved my mouth my fat would giggle. Why do I feel so awful? What is it that I did to make me look at myself in this manner? Is it a test of higher spirituality? What do I need to do to stop this feeling. I just don’t want to feel this fat anymore. I look in the mirror and a small voice says I look fine, but I feel as though it’s lying. What does this material body have for me, really? It doesn’t offer me anything except keeps my flowing, creative mind from being completely free and allowing my soul to fly into the cosmos and live in peace. I’m tormented by emotions and false realizations. A part of me wants to just leave this world and end it all. But then I know I’ll recycle back here to try again… How do I know what I will do? Should I endure this pain to see where it leads me or just stop and start over. I feel like a fat cow… And I giggle and flap all over the place 😦 binges are not worth this feeling.

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