It’s my fault I am this way… I do this to myself… the food I eat, it’s my choose, why can’t I now choose not to eat as much? Why do I do this to myself? I need to get back into working out again… it’s been rough since I fractured my knee, but it’s mostly healed now, so I should be okay… But why do I keep hurting myself with the mass amount of food intake? This is just too much. I weighed myself at my aunts house. 140… ONE FORTY! ! ! ugh… I’ve been felt so low with being so fat… I hate this. I want to put the blame on outside influences, but I know that it isn’t them that’s fucking up, it’s me. I need to be better, I need to take charge. and I know all I’m doing is blabbing here about my problems with my weight and my lack of control, but I will get it back. I am never constant, I’m all over the place. I make a decision and that’s as far as it gets with me. I can never get up enough motivation to keep this mind and body balanced.