So today starts my new “life change” NOT a DIET… Today I woke up, got a Red Bull – I wasn’t planning on eating breakfast (mistake one) because i was going out to lunch with a friend. So, I got to work and someone (who is also vegan) asked me to make me some breakfast, they were pretty pushy about it. So I agreed, didn’t drink my red bull until later, had today:
Breakfast: A pita with “mango butter” and a very small home-grown banana.
Lunch: banana nut oatmeal (its hard to eat out as a vegan) and a few pieces of home fries
Dinner: Veggies, Hummus, salsa, tostitos chips, a couple pretzels, and a little bit of candy
Snacks: Red bull and soda
So dinner I was at a “shower” of course I’m limited to what I can eat there, so I ate 2 plates full of the above stuff. I was nervous, I felt like I needed to eat so people wouldn’t question me why I wasn’t eating or not eating that much.
I feel like people judge me all the time, if I do this but not that, but then I do that and they question why i did that… it’s quite frustrating… It wears me out.. as I was driving home I noticed how low my energy was from just trying to protect myself from questioning – am I doing this right, is this enough? is that too much? IDK what I’m doing here… kind of thing… I bet it has something to do with my child rearing, I wont get into that.. it’s just a long boring story.
Part of this whole “life change” is that I reflect on my eating choices and why I made them based on my emotions etc. So this morning, I didn’t feel like eating but I did anyways because I was “pushed too” But I’m glad I did because I wasn’t too hungry at lunch and was able to only eat a small portion instead of chowing down the entire bowl of oatmeal. there were still a few bits left *applaused myself* haha. The soda today though, I felt kind of rushed and stressed between the lunch and the shower, so I kind of just slurped down a few gulps of soda and my red bull i sipped throughout the morning/afternoonish. It’s kind of funny because about 3 weeks ago I was refusing caffeine of any kind… I don’t know what my mind thinks sometimes.
My body image and self esteem needs improvement but other than that today was an overall good day.